I have been outrageously slacking on the updating of this site. My apology is sincere, but i have this thing I have to live; it's called LIFE. Big plans, making big moves, possibly a new and improved site in the making. For now, hold on and I will reveal the details as they manifest themselves!

here's a dropthatsock treat for your eyeballs...

Hello,
I have an 8 yr old shepard/husky mix (or something along those lines)
who got aggressive with me over a squeaky toy last night. I'm not sure
if he grabbed my finger or if my finger was on the toy and he grabbed
the toy, but he just barely broke the skin -- one little tooth mark on
the top and a scratch on the bottom. Anyways, I'm wondering if you have
any suggestions for us. I was reading your posts about Sophie but
couldn't get your protocol to load onto the site. My dog an I have been
living alone for several years and we recently (October) moved in with
my financee and her dog (who is submissive for the most part -- other
than a bit of toy guarding behavior). Since then, my dog has been
struggling with issues of food aggression and this toy nonsense that I
thought we dealt with years ago (I haven't had these problems with him since
he was 1-2 years old). Any suggestions would be very helpful. Thank
you! Lindsay

My reply:

Hi Lindsay,

I wish this were a problem that could easily be fixed with an email. I
will try my best, but in the end, you may have to consult a behaviorist
inyour area (if you are in NYC, you are in luck!- It's my town!). If you
are in NYC, let me know and we'll set up and evaluation.

so here goes-

Your dog has a hierarchy problem. The addition of people and dogs in
the home creates this kind of thing, and in his brain he's lost in the pack
and he feels he has to prove his place all over again. The best thing
to do is to completely shun him and the other dog. All humans just ignore
the dogs and kind of "cut the cord". This is what dominant, confident
leader dogs do when another dog comes into their territory. Other dogs
recognize this as something a leader does, and they will understand it
right away. It brings the humans up in the hierarchy of things. You
should not be playing on the floor with the dogs and certainly not be
allowing the dogs on the furniture (allowing dogs on furniture skews
the hierarchy and makes some mid-ranking dogs feel more powerful than they
ought to feel). I recommend correcting calmly each time there is any
hint of aggression toward a human (stiffening of the body when approached, locked into a stare over a toy or food, etc), then shunning that dog completely, as if
they hadn't existed.

research this:

my old entry on this here.

and see if you're comfortable using one. You need a way to correct
these behaviors that is quick, effective, easy to administer, and can be done
without approaching the dog. The spray commander works from 250 ft.
away.

This is the most advice I can give you in a simple email without
actually evaluating your dog in person.

I hope it helps you, and may the force be with you,

Marlene

link here!

If you are thinking of getting this for your dog, I know a few people I could get you in contact with. And maybe you all could have one big, outrageous party in your dog's honor. I knew a girl who gave her dog a carvel ice cream cake on its birthday. The dog ate it on top of her absent boss' desk, the scene of which has been documented by photo. Don't do that, people. Please. I know dogs are batty for ice cream, whichever flavor you offer, and the crunchies in the middle of the vanilla and chocolate layers are irresistible to human and canine alike. But please don't give your dog ice cream intended for humans. Please. Do the right thing here. Get the cake that's at least digestible by dogs. Okay?

I know all of us shelter workers are passionate about our jobs, while being a little on the kooky side when it comes to behavior, and yes, sometimes dress and grooming. If you, too are a person who loves animals and have been called by some "a little overboard", I have found a necklace just for you, my friendly friend.

You now can wear what looks like a handmade necklace with the word "NEUTER" dangling off it. Only $9.95. And hang it around your neck. I mean literally hang it around your neck. Like a necklace. Yeah.

You could always go with the generic "FIX DOG" necklace to show your neutrality (just so neither the male nor female dogs you work with all day long feel like they've been slighted).

If you're not quite ready for the whole necklace idea, just get the button that says "CUT THE NUTS", my personal fave.

Please, person, whomever you are in the world, PLEASE I AM BEGGING YOU, SEND ME A PHOTO OF YOU WEARING THE NECKLACE! (So's I can put that thing right on this BIG, bad baby called dropthatsock.com).
Love you,
Love,
me

This is what happens when your evil stepson is bored out of his mind because you refused to drive him to the Sunrise Mall in Massapequa, Long Island. He really wanted to go meet his friend Hector there, but you told him that you had to clean the house and shampoo your hair and that he didn't deserve to be driven anywhere because he embarrassed you at the Red Lobster the other night when he clogged the toilet with all those paper towels.

He finally gets bit at the end, but not before sending these two dogs into an adrenaline overdose for a good 3 minutes.

Watch your kids, people!

this is me.