C'mon, I know you guys are out there. You can tell me about that kegger you had at the campsite where that guy Steve got naked and the next day his entire body was covered with mosquito bites and everyone was taking turns vaseline-ing and plucking the ticks out of his scalp. And how all the while, your dog was lampin' under the picnic table, waiting for some inebriato to overgesture while he was telling The Greatest Fishing Story Ever Told, and he accidentally fed his beer to the table, and secondarily to the dog underneath the table, who licked it up in its entirety through the slats. And how, when you realized what your dog was doing, you encouraged all your friends to spill their beers on the table so you could show off the new trick your dog was suddenly capable of. And how, ever since then, whenever anyone cracks open a schlitz, your dog comes flying in out of nowhere and careens into the back of their legs, ending in a perfect auto-sit waiting for the chance to lick the remnants of warm beer that may or may not splash out of the can, depending on how long the party's been going on. You can trust me, I won't publish your dog & beer story on the World Wide Web Internet. I promise.

Sidebar- I do know of a certain couple (who shall remain nameless) who, after just waking up for a dog training lesson at 4pm (nursing raging hangovers), realized that their dog had a random interest in a glass of leftover beer on the coffee table. When that naturally led to the notion of giving the dog a bit of that beer in a baby dish, their faces lit up and the hangovers instantly dissappeared; "Why did we never think of this idea before this very moment?!"

Now don't assume that I condone the giving of unlimited alcohol to the canine species, or any other animal, for that matter. Because I don't, okay? But if you're a responsible, reasonable person with all your senses intact, and you really want to try it, then who am I to stop you, really. Just be easy on the amount, of course. Do NOT give your dog alcohol poisoning, please.

And while we are on this subject, I'd like to say something about the generation of people I grew up with. I happen to have been born at around the same time as the "Generation X"-ers, a large fraction of whom have or are still using recreational drugs. Many of those people have animals of their own, including dogs. Some of these people do drugs at home, the place where their dog also lives. These factors have collectively led to a small number of people deciding it was a fantastic idea to take a bong hit and, instead of exhaling it into the common air like Willie Nelson does, BLOW IT INTO THEIR DOG'S FACE. I DISAPPROVE TIMES A TRILLION. Please do not do drugs with your dog, I'm begging you. I have seen the long-term effects for myself; my ex-best friend's brother has an utterly retarded boxer as a result of this kind of behavior.

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