So you come home and are greeted by a freaking-out-tornado of a dog, who proceeds to beat the tar out of you, fists flailing. You come out of the salutation with a giant set of scratch marks across your chest that you can actually feel raising and reddening slowly. You are in pain. Real pain here.

Or is your situation more like this? ;

You're having friends over. It's a big deal. You haven't had people over in ages and tonight's the night you're going to throw the party of the year, fancy as you can. People start showing up in their night clubbing outfits and japanese louis vuitton bags , you know, the ones that you can't get in the stores, and only Carmen Electra has one and she's in all the fashion magazines holding it and grinning like, "I got the cherry Louis bag and you don't." Anyway, the girls start a'comin in and your dog is so happy and excited that he immediately leaps at a 90-degree angle and punches your girlfriend in the eye with his beak. On the way down from his flight, his claws dig into her new, white chenille one-sleeved sweater and gnarls it on up, leaving it irreparable.

Question;

How do you fix this problem?

Answer;

First think-what makes your dog jump on you? Does he jump on you if you have something he wants, i.e. a bologna sandwich with lettuce and tomato and a smidge of mayo? Does he jump on you when you're playing with him? When you are cooking dinner? When you first get home after a grueling 8-hour shift at Quizno's? Think of a few triggers that make your dog jump and fabricate those situations. PRETEND to be cooking, coming in through the door, holding a sandwich, etc.. The difference is this: you will be focusing on the dog, waiting to catch him doing the wrong thing. And when he does just that, you can be ready to-

- Drop a soda can with pennies inside it, right off the counter, like it came out of nowhere.

If your dog laughs at that, try this;

-Grab onto your dog's paws and hold them up so that he can't get back to the floor. Do it without hurting him, and just be prepared to hold on. Eventually your dog will want to get down. He'll try to take his paws out of your grip, and maybe even try whimpering or playbiting on your hands. If he does that, just squeeze the hand that has the opposite paw. He'll go back and forth between your hands, and if you can stand it, wait until he stops. Then let him down. Be prepared to do it again if he jumps up again.

Another idea;

The old knee up trick: when you see the dog coming towards you and fixing to jump, lift your knee up by your waist, so he contacts a big, hard kneecap when he careens into you. Some dogs don't like that too much. (others think it's funny and they try it again)

More;

Take a spray bottle, the one that you fill with water to spray your hair down in the morning time. Adjust the little nozzle to "stream" mode (not "mist"). When the dog jumps, squirt him (please don't get his eye) and make it seem like it came out of nowhere if possible. Some dogs hate water being squirted at them, some kinda like it. Might as well try.

Yet another;

If your dog has the habit of putting his paws on counters, use double-sided scotch tape and tape that baby up. Some dogs don't like the feeling of sticky paws. Or you could use that clear plastic carpet runner that they sell at Home Depot (the stuff that you'd use if you were concerned about getting dirt on the hallway carpet). One side of it is relatively smooth, one side has those spikey teeth that were meant for grabbing onto the carpet underneath. Put a strip of that plastic, teeth side up, on the counters. Some dogs hate that spikey feeling they get when they put their paws on it.

More ideas;

For kids and adults- when the dog jumps up on you, turn your body around so you are facing the opposite direction. Stay still, like a statue. The absolute worst things a person can do when a dog is jumping all over them are; talk to the dog, look at the dog, touch the dog. Even a mean, ogrish shove could be perceived as a taunt to do a wrestlemania right there in the entryway of your house. I'm very well aware of the fact that not every person has the ability or the patience to ignore a dog when they're going buck wild on them. For that reason, I am giving you yet another method of correcting your dog for jumping...

The leash correction-

Leave a leash attached to your dog's choke chain, martingale , or check choke collar as long as someone's home and willing to monitor the dog. As soon as the dog jumps on someone or something, grab hold of that leash and give them a little tug to the side. Bigger, stronger dogs will need bigger and stronger corrections, but it's a good idea to go soft at first and see if the dog backs off before you go to "shock and awe"-type corrections. Try to be as calm as possible when you're doing this because lots of dogs take their fight drive up a few levels if they see you in a tizzy. Keep letting the dog jump up, but apply that correction each time. See how long it takes for the dog to pause and consider his options; 1.) i can jump again and feel the annoying tug on my collar, or 2.) i can hold back my overhwelming desire to pummel and stay right where i am. As soon as you see the right decision being made, praise like your dog just found a newborn baby in the woods and carried it all the way home on its back. "good boy."

One more method;

The famed remote controlled citronella collar. If your dog thinks a blast of citronella is so horrid, putrid and despicable, well then you should press that button when he's jumping. Lots of dogs have been "cured" of jumping with that nifty little gadget that I happen to love to bits.

I'm sure there are more, it's just that my brain is tired of thinking of all the ways to correct a dog for jumping. Hope you understand. I'll update it when i think of another.

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