Continue reading... "how this freaky site works..."

If you happen to have a hyper, aggressive or generally intense dog, change their diet to a low-protein dog food without artificial preservatives (look for about 20% protein). Any protein that they're not using for serious growth spurts is essentially extra energy ripping through your dog's system. Like ROCKET FUEL. UNNECESSARY ROCKET FUEL. Think about it...

Whenever you change a dog's food, do it gradually, 25% of the new food at a time. A quick change in protein levels most of the time results in stank, rancid loose stool. I don't think this is what you want. (is it?)
So, do it 25% new/ 75% old for a week or so, and if the dog's system can handle that, then go to 50%- %50, and so on...

About the preservatives: dog food contains lots of fats in it, which tend to spoil easily, thus the need for a preservative of some sort. Some smart idiot took a chemical that was originally used as a rubber stabilizer/ insecticide/ pesticide (ETHOXYQUIN) and decided to use it to preserve the fats in dog food. (hey, guys, i have this great idea!...) So now almost all of the dog foods on the market use this pesticide/ rubber stabilizer, which means our dogs are eating it. Me personally, i don't think it's a good idea to give it to them. So, i feed Wellness brand, which is probably not THE best food, but pretty darn good considering what else is out there. And Wellness (owned by Old Mother Hubbard) uses ethoxyquin-free meat sources, and there are no chemical preservatives in there. Check your dog food bags at home if you want, chances are you'll see that "e"- word in there somewhere.

Oh, and Nutro Natural doesn't use ethoxyquin, either.

Continue reading... "every dog needs a window..."

So you come home and are greeted by a freaking-out-tornado of a dog, who proceeds to beat the tar out of you, fists flailing. You come out of the salutation with a giant set of scratch marks across your chest that you can actually feel raising and reddening slowly. You are in pain. Real pain here.

Or is your situation more like this? ;

You're having friends over. It's a big deal. You haven't had people over in ages and tonight's the night you're going to throw the party of the year, fancy as you can. People start showing up in their night clubbing outfits and japanese louis vuitton bags , you know, the ones that you can't get in the stores, and only Carmen Electra has one and she's in all the fashion magazines holding it and grinning like, "I got the cherry Louis bag and you don't." Anyway, the girls start a'comin in and your dog is so happy and excited that he immediately leaps at a 90-degree angle and punches your girlfriend in the eye with his beak. On the way down from his flight, his claws dig into her new, white chenille one-sleeved sweater and gnarls it on up, leaving it irreparable.

Question;

How do you fix this problem?

Answer;

Continue reading... "if your dog's jumping on people and you want it to stop, read on..."

Here we are at the end of a long road, at times it was rough but we all got through it alive and contented. Swanky is now officially a member of the society of well-behaved dogs and he has a diploma to show all visitors who come to his swanky apartment overlooking New York's coveted Long Beach spread. He no longer humps legs OR arms, knows a handful of commands and their hand signals, is somehow mysteriously a hundred times cuter than the first time we met, and his once bad decisions are turning into better and best decisions.

Continue reading... "Swanky #6 (graduation time for Swank, time for Swank to graduate...)"

He's figured out that when he goes into his litterbox and makes the "I'm going to the bathroom" noise (moving around the litter pellets, shuffling around and coming back out), that he gets a treat just the same as when he actually outputs. Mother has caught on to the trick even when he presumptuously comes out of the litterbox and sits like a pro, waiting for the bit for his imaginary feat. I've only known of one other dog who has caught onto the possibility of faking a pee for a cookie. Swanky=specialness.

Continue reading... "Swanky #5. Smart enough to manipulate humans..."

He has realized that his bed can be gutted, little by little. It's a cute bed sent by the breeder dierkings.com , with little bows of yarn jutting out of every third inch of fabric. Not the best design for a dog bed, because the yarny things become targets for tug-of-war when there's nothing else to do or when nobody wants to play with you anymore. Then the stuffing starts to come out and it's all downhill from there. It's like the first kill, Swanky gets extreme pleasure out of dismembering and removing the fluffy gut of the "animal", and if we're not careful, he could become fixated on anything that has fluff inside (pillows, stuffed animals, THE NEW MICROFIBER COUCH, etc.) So when he started acting like he was beating the tar out of this thing, I suggested it be taken away, never to be seen again.

We started the "down" command for food next. This was difficult for a few reasons; he almost never lays down in a straight line. Instead, he curls himself so tightly that he becomes a fourth of his normal size. Therefore, doing the regular "down" command was quite unnatural for him, so he put his chest to the floor and kept his teeny rump up in the air. At first, we rewarded that with the treat because, let's be honest, it was the best he could do. When we did some physical prompting (trying to gently force him into the position), he took it as a reason to start flitting around and getting distracted so we just kept guiding him with the food. Eventually, he got the motion of the position and looked semi-comfortable in the "down". We stopped there, leaving the homework assignment of repeating the protocol over and over and over and over so he could memorize it.

When I was saying my goodbyes, Swanky revealed to me that if he gets access to an ear, he will shove his entire tongue into it and frantically (but thoroughly) "clean" it out within 3 seconds. I have met other ear-loving dogs, but never one this emphatic and precise. I'm on the fence about whether that's a selling point for this dog or if it's something to be done only in the deep, dark night when nobody's around. I know it's not acceptable in certain social circles to allow a dog to do this, but he does it with such finesse that it has to be appreciated, even if you never vocalize it...