Continue reading... "how this freaky site works..."

"Sit" (for puppies)
Use the treat to guide your puppy into the sit position (treat just above nose, moving slowly towards the rear. He only gets the treat when his butt hits the floor (no treats for jumping up).
When he sits, pop the treat in and say "good boy" in a calm but happy tone. You want him to hear that praise phrase whenever he gets a treat. (i.e. good boy=treat)
Repeat this process 20 times. He should give less and less resistance and should be sitting quicker each time.
Next, ask him to sit using your hand signal (a treat in your hand just over his nose). If he sits, praise and treat. If he doesn't sit, pull up GENTLY on his leash or collar and push down on his rear so that he sits. This is how you will enforce your command if he chooses to ignore it.

Continue reading... "protocol: sit & stay for puppies"

So you come home and are greeted by a freaking-out-tornado of a dog, who proceeds to beat the tar out of you, fists flailing. You come out of the salutation with a giant set of scratch marks across your chest that you can actually feel raising and reddening slowly. You are in pain. Real pain here.

Or is your situation more like this? ;

You're having friends over. It's a big deal. You haven't had people over in ages and tonight's the night you're going to throw the party of the year, fancy as you can. People start showing up in their night clubbing outfits and japanese louis vuitton bags , you know, the ones that you can't get in the stores, and only Carmen Electra has one and she's in all the fashion magazines holding it and grinning like, "I got the cherry Louis bag and you don't." Anyway, the girls start a'comin in and your dog is so happy and excited that he immediately leaps at a 90-degree angle and punches your girlfriend in the eye with his beak. On the way down from his flight, his claws dig into her new, white chenille one-sleeved sweater and gnarls it on up, leaving it irreparable.

Question;

How do you fix this problem?

Answer;

Continue reading... "if your dog's jumping on people and you want it to stop, read on..."

Here we are at the end of a long road, at times it was rough but we all got through it alive and contented. Swanky is now officially a member of the society of well-behaved dogs and he has a diploma to show all visitors who come to his swanky apartment overlooking New York's coveted Long Beach spread. He no longer humps legs OR arms, knows a handful of commands and their hand signals, is somehow mysteriously a hundred times cuter than the first time we met, and his once bad decisions are turning into better and best decisions.

Continue reading... "Swanky #6 (graduation time for Swank, time for Swank to graduate...)"

He's figured out that when he goes into his litterbox and makes the "I'm going to the bathroom" noise (moving around the litter pellets, shuffling around and coming back out), that he gets a treat just the same as when he actually outputs. Mother has caught on to the trick even when he presumptuously comes out of the litterbox and sits like a pro, waiting for the bit for his imaginary feat. I've only known of one other dog who has caught onto the possibility of faking a pee for a cookie. Swanky=specialness.

Continue reading... "Swanky #5. Smart enough to manipulate humans..."

We started with teaching him to sit for treats. He enjoyed it. By the way, he only likes a specific obscure treat, made by the ceasar dog food people (f.y.i.). We moved into stay on a leash, which was a struggle since he almost never stays in one spot for more than 2 seconds if he's conscious.

Continue reading... "swanky #2"

Swanky's an 11-week-old italian greyhound who seeks attention constantly by jumping, playbiting, scratching the litter box, humping, crying, barking, dive-bombing shoelaces, and whimpering. I'm sure there are more methods but that'll do for now. He is completely litterbox trained (!) and came about a week ago by plane from a breeder. He always wants to be held, and is violently opposed to being left alone. The neighbors (apartment building) have heard him cry like someone was pulling his legs off, just because his owner went out to the post office for a hot second. This problem has the potential for some extreme hair-pulling, bad-mouthing rumbles between Swanky and his downstairs, across the way, upstairs and diagonal neighbors.

Continue reading... "swanky #1"